Join me in Death

Why prolong the endless pain
When there is something awaiting
Life after this inevitable death
I've been expecting you, my love
To be beside my bed of pain
Where you'd help me out of miserability
Take my hand and lead me to the other side
No need to see my veins bleed
All I need for you to see is
What is missing when I'm gone
No more tears, no more pain
I'd be your angel throughout life
Guarding your soul til you join me
When you join me
In death

My Endless Love

It's tied around my heart
- The Rope

It's making me want to scream
- The Pain

The blood pumps through my veins
- In Vain

I'm about to take one last breath
- To Sleep

Drown in to an eternity of dreams
- Bliss

Empowered by your endless love
- To Death

The Monsters inside

Every day I inhale the air
No day is the other alike
Still, I end up in this place
Year after year,
Time after time,
Unavoidable, and in vain I try
To overcome the monsters inside

They tell me about the other side
How much better I'd feel in eternal sleep
Than in this miserableness
In the core of my soul
It returns to me like a drug
I cannot avoid
Just like a needle
That tears me up
And makes me feel alive

Cutting emotions with a blade
Slice them up with a knife
Blood is not the only red
That pours out from my heart
Until the last drop
There is only one thing left
That is and always will be
The love for you.

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There's only one thing that can make me feel better in moments when I write pieces like this; and that is to write it off my chest. I am aware that this text is one of the darkest poems I've written in a long long time. Like the poem states, it's somehow inevitable, they always return to me. For better or worse, in sickness and health.

Maybe I should try to write a bit after each poem with some comments, but I want to leave the poems up to the reader to interpret for themselves.

/Kimmi

In the vaccum of Truth

I found this piece of poem in my notebook which is filled with a lot of different scribbling, everything from university stuff to poems and story writing. So here goes, enjoy!

There is a flow of emotions
Floating through the room
In the vaccum of truth,
A moment of silence
Where there is no suffering
And the air is clear and light
I still walk around with this halo
On top of my head
Since the day I found purpose,
Since the day I found you

Silent night in the cold

Standing here in the cold
Watching the silent night
all alone
I remember standing here
in your embrace
One summer night,
seems far away
but left me with only you
in my heart
oh, so true

In your eyes I can see
the love between us
is meant to be
all I do is think of you
when the night creeps in on me
I can't help but to think
you are here in your dreams

I have hopes and some dreams
of you and me to find the strength
and carry on but not apart
just say the words and
take my hand
I wait for you
to make things right
I'll wait for you
to take the step..

Painful urges

2010-06-07

The hand clutches the pain
In a moment that feels so real
Feel the surface of grief
Touch the sadness of a tear
The dreams are floating above
In a cloud they move away
So hard to reach
So hard to catch

The nails dig in so deep
They cut through the pain
Like aching misery in the shell
Red drips of burning sensation
Drops of joy, drops of fear
Sense of relief empowers me
All through my body
So hard to resist
So hard to control

The tragic spin to life
of urges taking over
Tearing the wings apart
Like the newborn bird
Unable to fly
But always willing to try
Shouting silently in vain
Feeling so powerless,
But yet so strong.

Momentary Distractions.

Blink. Look up and face me.
Sense. What I feel for you.
Sit. Always next to me.
Touch. My arm so gently.
Dream. About me at night.
Smile. When I look at you.
Come. Closer if you want.
Embrace. The floating feelings.
Cos I do.

Overcome the feeling

The pill is in your hand
Red or blue
I see the vision
of our two paths
hearts are fighting
to overcome the feeling
that you're not the one
the one for me

right or wrong,
we or them,
united or,
torn apart
open and closed

I recall you and me
wander towards one
destiny, is forever
mine, in your heart

I can feel your breath
towards my neck
I can see your eyes
in the corner of my sight
I want to speak aloud
instead of in my head
I want to whisper in your ear
what you want to hear

Tingling feeling takes over

breathing in and out
almost erotic atmosphere
his hand is on my body
intertwined with mine
heart keeps beating faster
I can feel the pounding

underneath the blanket
stroking firm movements
one sigh and the other moan
rush down my spine
tingling feeling takes me over

wrapped up together
breathing in deeply
just like we're one
stroking fingers,
touching my lips

he is lying next to me
nothing has hit me as hard,
like you,
the strong and masculine body
forever in my dreams. ;)

One last sigh...

Chemical reactions inside of me
It's just an illusion, can't you see?
I want to quit, I want to forget
But you're right there, in front of me

Between the walls I can hear,
makes my head spin 'round, I swear,
for one last time I shout out loud
"It's another heart of ice!"

Dripping emotions from my soul,
Tangible squeeze of my woe,
Drains all out, to one last sigh
In every dream like every night

All in Pain, All for Good

Just stop for a second and think
Soak the thoughts in ink
and print them out on paper
or soak them all in blood
it's all in pain, all for good

I sometimes wonder if
a drop of tear would make things clear
I stay awake at night
to turn each page of life
inside out, and what do I see?
it's all in pain, all for good

Drown my Thoughts in Wine

I wrote this piece in my cell phone at night, when I couldn't sleep and my thoughts were almost yelling at me and wouldn't shut up. This is what I wrote to try to calm myself down and try to sleep.
----------------------------

I want to drown my thoughts in wine
I want to suffocate them one last time
Forget they ever existed,
forget the feeling of constant void.

-----------------------------

Sometimes thinking about your problems only seem to make things worse, since the solutions are not crystal clear and don't appear suddenly. Then the anxiety heaps up like a huge burden and there is no end to the pain. Inner pain.