Wow - the feeling when I go through old posts

It's hard to describe what I feel when I'm looking through my old posts on this blog, both published and some are in draft version. They're sad and depressing, but at the same time just hard and realistic. I've come so far in my mental state, to not have to feel that way anymore. I was lost, I felt like I was drowning in emotions, and I felt pain, not physical but emotional and mental pain. It was a constant, and it was always there. I've moved on to another life, I'm much happier and I have people around me that love me and that's all that matters. To also be able to love yourself fully and appreciate yourself.
So, here's to another decade of writing poems - both melancholic and uplifting. I'm more inspired than ever to keep on writing, it makes me feel alive and free.

I'm only 26 but I've written since I was 13-14, both diary and poems. It's been the only way for me to express what I really think and feel about certain difficult state of minds.

Peace and Love,
Kimmi Madeline

Apologies for the long pause..

I know I haven't been updating this blog with new poems and I feel very down that I haven't made any time for writing lately or for the past year. I always feel better when I'm writing and I know now what I've been missing out on when I go through my old poems and writings.
I'm in the process of starting to write a book and I have another blog on Wordpress that I intend to update more on the writing progress and about other things that pop up in my life that I find interesting enough to write about.
Will shortly post another poem post here so please stay tuned, fellow poets. :)

Love,
Kimmi

Bittersweet Love Story

The heart is breathing again
My lungs are pumping again
I can sense a scent of joy
When your face is in the reach
Filling me; piece by piece
Reminding me; day by day
How loving it is
to have you near
A touch of love
is all so dear

Warm tingling feeling
It's taking over me
Beats synchronize
to the harmony
of love and peace
They tune in for
Days to come
Nights to feel
A bittersweet love story

Lost in Void

Spread the pain out in the darkness
I cannot see the steps I take
Stumble and fall in to a black hole
It doesn't matter how far I go
You made me lose my direction
Lost in your mesmerizing love
Gave me nothing but tears and pain

This life is spent wandering around
I cannot help but to stop and think
Put an end to it and jump to hell
It doesn't matter how far I go
I have lost my path in life
Lost my way long time ago
In tears and pain from within

Now there is only one way out
Burning the feeling of love for you
Tear apart the vein to my heart
that beats for you
It doesn't matter how far I go
I've entered void and keep falling
Deeper in to this sleep
Where no longer love exists

Nothing Left to Give

I have poured out everything I've got
I have nothing left to give
There is no more life to live
Through these endless moments
I stumble and fall
Deeper and deeper
Into this ocean of hell

Slice open my heart
Grab the stone of pain
Throw it out to rot
Empty space is what is left
Void is to be found
Never feel pain again

Drowning in your tears
From your cold eyes
I will never know
If what you feel
Is something real,
So say goodbye
To this soul
Forget the past
Just let it go

Floating deeper

2011-05-24

Moments of deception,
Fill the void of tomorrow,
Last night was just a dream,
Today is another day of hope,
Trembling towards a glimpse of joy

When our eyes meet
I can see your soul
you are such a mystery
cannot resist it, it’s dragging me in,
You’re undressing me, without a touch

Deeper we float in the ocean of love,
What is you and what is me?
Can’t control this much longer
You have unlocked my hidden truth
from a life spent without you

While you are digging in so deep
The sound of my heart is echoing
emotions are becoming so fervent
cannot hide them any longer
breathing in and breathing out
to the sound of your beating heart

Those precious moments
I hold so dear
Remind me of a time
When you were near
Now I've lost the path
To where you are
But you should not worry
I will find you soon
and bring you back home
to my heart

Days are longer
Nights are painful
Now and then it's hard to breathe
There is no other cure
Than your loving touch
No matter what they say
I will be here the day
You decide to wake up.

Join me in Death

Why prolong the endless pain
When there is something awaiting
Life after this inevitable death
I've been expecting you, my love
To be beside my bed of pain
Where you'd help me out of miserability
Take my hand and lead me to the other side
No need to see my veins bleed
All I need for you to see is
What is missing when I'm gone
No more tears, no more pain
I'd be your angel throughout life
Guarding your soul til you join me
When you join me
In death

My Endless Love

It's tied around my heart
- The Rope

It's making me want to scream
- The Pain

The blood pumps through my veins
- In Vain

I'm about to take one last breath
- To Sleep

Drown in to an eternity of dreams
- Bliss

Empowered by your endless love
- To Death

The Monsters inside

Every day I inhale the air
No day is the other alike
Still, I end up in this place
Year after year,
Time after time,
Unavoidable, and in vain I try
To overcome the monsters inside

They tell me about the other side
How much better I'd feel in eternal sleep
Than in this miserableness
In the core of my soul
It returns to me like a drug
I cannot avoid
Just like a needle
That tears me up
And makes me feel alive

Cutting emotions with a blade
Slice them up with a knife
Blood is not the only red
That pours out from my heart
Until the last drop
There is only one thing left
That is and always will be
The love for you.

-----------------------------

There's only one thing that can make me feel better in moments when I write pieces like this; and that is to write it off my chest. I am aware that this text is one of the darkest poems I've written in a long long time. Like the poem states, it's somehow inevitable, they always return to me. For better or worse, in sickness and health.

Maybe I should try to write a bit after each poem with some comments, but I want to leave the poems up to the reader to interpret for themselves.

/Kimmi

In the vaccum of Truth

I found this piece of poem in my notebook which is filled with a lot of different scribbling, everything from university stuff to poems and story writing. So here goes, enjoy!

There is a flow of emotions
Floating through the room
In the vaccum of truth,
A moment of silence
Where there is no suffering
And the air is clear and light
I still walk around with this halo
On top of my head
Since the day I found purpose,
Since the day I found you

Silent night in the cold

Standing here in the cold
Watching the silent night
all alone
I remember standing here
in your embrace
One summer night,
seems far away
but left me with only you
in my heart
oh, so true

In your eyes I can see
the love between us
is meant to be
all I do is think of you
when the night creeps in on me
I can't help but to think
you are here in your dreams

I have hopes and some dreams
of you and me to find the strength
and carry on but not apart
just say the words and
take my hand
I wait for you
to make things right
I'll wait for you
to take the step..

Painful urges

2010-06-07

The hand clutches the pain
In a moment that feels so real
Feel the surface of grief
Touch the sadness of a tear
The dreams are floating above
In a cloud they move away
So hard to reach
So hard to catch

The nails dig in so deep
They cut through the pain
Like aching misery in the shell
Red drips of burning sensation
Drops of joy, drops of fear
Sense of relief empowers me
All through my body
So hard to resist
So hard to control

The tragic spin to life
of urges taking over
Tearing the wings apart
Like the newborn bird
Unable to fly
But always willing to try
Shouting silently in vain
Feeling so powerless,
But yet so strong.

Momentary Distractions.

Blink. Look up and face me.
Sense. What I feel for you.
Sit. Always next to me.
Touch. My arm so gently.
Dream. About me at night.
Smile. When I look at you.
Come. Closer if you want.
Embrace. The floating feelings.
Cos I do.

Overcome the feeling

The pill is in your hand
Red or blue
I see the vision
of our two paths
hearts are fighting
to overcome the feeling
that you're not the one
the one for me

right or wrong,
we or them,
united or,
torn apart
open and closed

I recall you and me
wander towards one
destiny, is forever
mine, in your heart

I can feel your breath
towards my neck
I can see your eyes
in the corner of my sight
I want to speak aloud
instead of in my head
I want to whisper in your ear
what you want to hear

Tingling feeling takes over

breathing in and out
almost erotic atmosphere
his hand is on my body
intertwined with mine
heart keeps beating faster
I can feel the pounding

underneath the blanket
stroking firm movements
one sigh and the other moan
rush down my spine
tingling feeling takes me over

wrapped up together
breathing in deeply
just like we're one
stroking fingers,
touching my lips

he is lying next to me
nothing has hit me as hard,
like you,
the strong and masculine body
forever in my dreams. ;)

One last sigh...

Chemical reactions inside of me
It's just an illusion, can't you see?
I want to quit, I want to forget
But you're right there, in front of me

Between the walls I can hear,
makes my head spin 'round, I swear,
for one last time I shout out loud
"It's another heart of ice!"

Dripping emotions from my soul,
Tangible squeeze of my woe,
Drains all out, to one last sigh
In every dream like every night

All in Pain, All for Good

Just stop for a second and think
Soak the thoughts in ink
and print them out on paper
or soak them all in blood
it's all in pain, all for good

I sometimes wonder if
a drop of tear would make things clear
I stay awake at night
to turn each page of life
inside out, and what do I see?
it's all in pain, all for good

Drown my Thoughts in Wine

I wrote this piece in my cell phone at night, when I couldn't sleep and my thoughts were almost yelling at me and wouldn't shut up. This is what I wrote to try to calm myself down and try to sleep.
----------------------------

I want to drown my thoughts in wine
I want to suffocate them one last time
Forget they ever existed,
forget the feeling of constant void.

-----------------------------

Sometimes thinking about your problems only seem to make things worse, since the solutions are not crystal clear and don't appear suddenly. Then the anxiety heaps up like a huge burden and there is no end to the pain. Inner pain.

I heard your voice

You said you'd never forget me
I can't really say I have
But you're so far away from my heart
I don't know you anymore
Universe made us lose our bond
it wasn't meant to last for long
But just sometimes
at night
sometimes, I feel
you whisper me, in my ear
stroke my hair with your touch
makes it all come back to me
that we do have a connection, after all
through our dreams
unforgettable memories
travel so deep
through time and space
I know you can still hear my voice
because I can swear that I heard yours